Addiction

The dictionary definition of addiction is the compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal ; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

My definition of addiction is FOOLISHNESS! Yes my stubbornness maybe taking over at this point, but come on!! I believe people become addicted, for lack of a better word, because they were weak enough to give in to a dumb temptation. I'm not being a hypocrite at all. Yes when I was younger,along with two of my family members, I took part in stealing cigarettes from my father on a regular basis. I wasn't the one who stole them, but because I knew that they were, I was a willing participant. Yes, today I am ashamed of such behavior, but I have totally redeemed myself. I used that experience as a learning lesson. I never learned how to inhale, thank the LORD, and I hated to nasty taste in my mouth, so I chose not to do it anymore. Unfortunately, the two family members I chose to behave badly with, are still smokers today. I, proudly, am not!

Perhaps I should have "manned" up and told my parents about our shameful behavior, but I didn't. I not only blame my sister and cousin for being tempted to steal and smoke, but I also blame my stepfather for allowing them access to such a harmful product. This was a man who had 4 or 5 cartons of KOOL menthol cigarettes in his pickup at any given time. Also, mind you, EVERY carton was opened. There would have been no way for him to know if any were missing. That is why it was so easy to take a few here and there. I would say this went on for 3 or 4 years, and my parents NEVER knew. After all, why not keep this behavior up when no one is on to you, right?

I guess this comes at the heals of my sister's husband going to jail for the next several months for numerous DWIs. I'm sure this was brought on by a similar scenario as above. Why can't people who are addicted to certain substances take control of their life and deal with it in a responsible manner? I understand if you get busted for one DWI, though it is not okay, it can be forgiven if you learn from your mistake, right? I will admit when I was 19 and obviously underage, I was given a DUI, and you had better believe I learned from my mistake!! I paid my dues and terribly regret my unfortunate decision that not only put my life in danger, but someone else's as well. Why did the light come on in my head and not his? Is it because I have better self-respect or self-control? Who knows!?!?

What is rock-bottom? For me, it was telling my mother that I was being charged with a DUI. I could see the disappointment in my mother's eyes,as well as all over her face. I don't know what rock-bottom is for him though. This man has had chance after chance to make better choices and yet NEVER did. Even after knowing all of the consequences he would be facing if he got another one, HE GOT ANOTHER ONE. So, not only is he paying the consequences for his actions, so is my mother and sister. They have to raise HIS kids while is he is off serving his time THAT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED. Do I feel sorry for him because he has to eat crappy food and sleep on an uncomfortable bed? The answer to that is HELL NO!!! After all, they offer AA meeting to people like him, and he took those for granted. He knew better! He could have been ANYTHING he wanted to be and he chose to be an alcoholic. The reason I say chose is because he always CHOSE to drink knowing he had a problem with when to stop. He CHOSE to put himself first instead of my sister and their children. He CHOSE to drink and drive, and he CHOSE to disobey the law time and time again.

Alcoholism runs in my family. In my opinion, it took the life of my paternal grandfather and my biological father. I'm not cold-hearted to the point that I don't want better outcomes for alcoholics or other addicts, but you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. They have to be willing to accept our help inorder to help themselves,and sadly they choose not to listen to the people that have their best interest at heart. That, to me, is what frusterates me the most. I know they offer alanon meeting for family members. I suppose that helps those who participate, but why should I have to take a class to understand addiction?? I don't get it. I believe addiction is a CHOICE. Addicts choose to indulge in their demons, and if they are not strong enough to seek the LORD, they have to deal with it, right? WRONG. We have to deal with it also because it affects ALL parties involved. It is a sad state of affairs people, but that is our reality.

My intentions were not to put anyone down or judge anyone, I just CHOOSE to ignore those demons whose sole purpose is to bring me down. I'm proud to say that I am stronger than that.